The following is an excerpt from a broadcast by The Bad Pioneer to the youth of Newton from the haunted radio station at the edge of town...
Come now wasted youth with sweet tears in your eyes. Give up what has been taken from your days by your parents and teachers and dentists. Their assaults on your artificially sweetened natures has made you older once more. So tonight stand together and prepare for flight into a darkness beyond where they cannot follow. Fuel your Hairstyles with the unrefined combustion of saccharine ecstasy. Liberate your gums from the teeth of their avoidable lifestyle of decayed genetics and khaki everything. Become engorged on candy, and cookies and soda. Rot out your mouth and sow a new, fertile plot with your psychic rototillers for the advancement of jaw logic you will harvest experientially from swimming in gum drop constellations. Journey now to the feel good bake off of infinity and be born again in the heart of the universe where the ancestors are always cooking up something warm and sweet. Ignite your minds now with an infinity of caffeine and blast off to a galaxy of spun sugar starlight and from your bleeding gums grow, new mouths of big rock candy perfection. With these new chompers that are sharper than diamonds and brighter than stars, you can chew your way home through your sleeping parents minds and out of their skulls as they dream of photocopiers and automatic sprinklers and their other useless passions. This will be their darkest dream as they become paralyzed, asleep with eyes open as their little angels hover above them with blank expressions and mouths open drooling syrupy excesses into the holes in their heads. Let it rot their minds. Let it rot their teeth. Let it rot their souls.
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